Patience is a virtue

Patience is a virtue because it makes us better people. The definition of the word is to tolerate delay. This implies self control and forbearance as opposed to wanting what we want when we want it. How many times have we jumped the gun and found out it would have been better to tolerate delay or had self control? What did we miss out on? Did we hurt someone we love because of lack of patience? Having patience will heal the wounds and it will work itself out fine. Patience is not only a virtue but a necessity for a happy existence…(http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_is_patience_a_virtue) - I GooGLED this!

Key word to remember : SELF CONTROL. Easier said than done, but nevertheless possible. I am not a patient person or was not actually. I hate delays, I despise people who do not respect efficiency. I prefer to be timely, I am somewhat a control freak but not crazy control but I do want things to be in order, pre-plan, expected and organized. Then GOD gave me Haris…who challenge me with spontaneity, un-plan, uncontrol, short term; the doing “nothing as something” guy. You can’t have it all but thank goodness he is hygienic! The 1st few lessons I learn in my marriage is tolerance & patience. Ultimately the used to be hard headed, loud mouth & bold person I was becoming more lemau each year. With him you can never win an argument, you can be twice louder and bolder but you won’t get the message across because he won’t back down, he won’t get down to his knees and say “I’m sorry, you are right dear”…he won’t come home with flowers in his hand and admit his defeat. 10 years, only once at the early of our courting I received a bouquet of flowers from him cos we had a big argument and that was the last. Instead, I learn to read him. I learn to accept who he is, his flaws and his way of thinking. I learn to be patient, in return I will eventually get my way (most of the time). With me holding back with some tolerance admission, he starts to listen and to the very least try to understand my point of view. Give it another freeze moment, we communicate again. At times I just let it go, I don’t win this time round but out of self control I came back to my ground and let it passed me. Once I’m OK he’ll be OK…

My kids tested my patience practically every day. I have 3 to count. It’s like this tag game they play that each one will take turn to see how far they can test me. Almost all the time, I end up screaming on top of my lungs…They’d probably go “Oh! Look!! You did it…You succeed to make a Tarzan out of ibu!!”…I hold back my hands to avoid slapping their butt! They hid (or threw) my cane God knows where..and I can’t find it. So now I resume to “Go to your room before I naik hantu!!” Sometime it work, at times…the whining will just go on and on until one of us grew tired. Last night was Hazrik’s turn, he whine about being hungry even though he just had 2 bowls of nasi goreng…there were plenty of food on the table & in the kitchen but NOOOOOOOOOOOO….he doesn’t want any of those; what he is implying actually “I want that MAGGI MEE that you hide in the upper cabinet.” I ignore him for a while, later I ask him to go to his room. He dozed off quietly but resumed again this morning. Then the tag begin - Maira was looking for her homework, couldn’t find it…face all red, frowning and almost teared up. “Ibu gotta go to work now Mai…but takpe, lemme help you find it.” Running out of time, we decided to make a copy from her friend later tonite…by the time I was ready to head off, Keem was awake from sleep. His usually default mode when he wakes up was crying and this time decided not to let me go. Clinging on to me with his smelly diapers, he didn’t want to be handed to Yani the maid. I was late for work, give myself another 10mins to attend to him then I decided to go. This will never stop I feel.

From then till now, I suck my whole day in. I am very proud of myself actually. From last night, I did not scream or yell at my kids, no spanking no face turn red and running around like my butt is on fire. I was cool, calm & collective. I deal with the whining (or I think it’s more of avoiding the whining), I manage Maira’s morning drama better than my usual ways. I make it up to Keem after work. Before you know it, things were back to *normal (*depend on individual definition of normal) – everyone were calm and to their usual self again.

I remember reading an email that was sent to me couple weeks back, which reminded me on the subject matter of Self Control. You decide on how to react on the situation you are in. Your day and your view to yourself will depend on how you make of it – You definitely have no control on what will happen to you on that day; your kids’ tantrum, your spouse’s mood swing, your workload, the office politics, the traffic, the maid, the neighbor, the weather, the un-plan business trip. Like today – I choose to be positive even though my kids are driving me up the wall. And the other day I hold back my disappointment when Haris doesn’t seem to get it instead I waited patiently to choose the right time and different angle to discuss our differences. And couple days ago…I avoided a rude confrontation with useless colleagues (and dealt with it when I can think straight). I motivate myself to try different means if this one fails & to be more compassionate with my words to the people around me. Patience is a virtue, so they say…and I couldn’t agree more.