Maybe it's the coming age, or maybe by chance I have come to a realization of a new found wisdom (which is actually nothing new). I realized now that those who are receiving help are among those who are genuinely seeking with an open heart.
I have always been a spiritually cautious person but hardly pay serious attention to it. In pure distractions, I neglected my spiritual need and let it go astray. I constantly try to make the right decision and would always want to put up a good strong image that I am respectful and honest muslim. I wear my head scarf (most of time)…I kept Quran in my home, prayer mats hang nicely in my room, but I put too many excuses and delays what should be my priorities. Whilst my aqidah remained intact, but like any distracted human being, I forget.
The motion of life brings you the ups & downs…we often rejoice and celebrate happiness and most often enough reflect whenever in a moment of despair. And yet, forget to be grateful when we manage to pull ourselves out from the black hole. I am one of those guilty ones.
6 months ago, I come across an individual by the name of Joshua Evans in youtube, where this American young man converted into muslim, how he had studied the bible and make an academic comparison of faiths. Brother Joshua discovered Islam much later, but how he had turn out to be 10 years down the road, was an eye opener for me. From him I discovered several other individuals, from one website to another...from blogs to forums, a web show and talks, speeches and videos. I have realized how ignorant I have been. When there are people out there constantly seeking the truth, whilst I have seen the truth and self proclaimed that I do believe in those truths, yet I took my faith for granted.
By understanding what was missing, self discoveries was an easy thing. Obligation to pray 5 times a day was an easy task now. Reminding yourself of your sole purpose for existence is effortless. I am grateful.
I don’t believe in coincidence. Things happen for a reason. That 2 hours spend watching Johsua Evan in youtube was a turning point of self realization. I constantly seek for more, because I realized my curiosity to know more did not just stop after that 2 hours video. I read my Quran more now, and learn to know those words. My solat has become a natural need more than anything. I look forward to those prayers times. And now I seek for perfection to prove my faith.
Masyallah, with Your blessings, let me be strong and true. May You guide me to Your path…and don’t You allow me to forget anymore…amin.