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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I am stretched rubber band

I am a stretched rubber band...

I have a theory, not trying to be too philosophical about this but think about it...a rubber band, once been stretched will never go back to its original form.

I have way too much time in my head. The kids are away for a week to Seremban and Haris is much too occupied with the biggest event of the year for Hyundai thus he's mostly not around. By the time I reached home it's always late and I am greeted by an empty & dark house. It's kinda lonely though. I miss those munchkins no doubt about it. But I don't mind the quietness. I don't rush back, instead trying to catch up with the "single" life stuff that I usually won't easily get - hit the gym and spend hours there, visit the saloon and get my hair cut, long hot shower, eat maggi mee, reading the magazines, holding on the remote, watching those darn DVDs that I bought but never had the chance to view...Was thinking to catch up with the girls too...but too lazy to arrange one.

At the back of my mind, I truly miss the noise, the chaos, the rush, the dirty diapers, the split milk...I just missed surounded by the usual stuff, the normal stuff. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying this "single" moment but that's the thing, I am a stretched rubber band. Even for a while, I am always be reminded of what I am now. I am a mom and my life are never the same without my kids! What a wonderful feelings to be wanted & needed eventhough through a constant nag, whine, heartache..and headache. You actually do not want to be left alone. You can't go back to what you were...cos you are too strectched up.

I used to be disturbed by the stretch marks I have on my belly...it's ugly. But I don't want to get rid of it (eventhough at the beginning I've tried all sorts of lotion or cream to prevent any sorts of pregnancy marks) But since I've been strectched all different kinds of way now...I am accepting my physical changes now. My stretch marks are my constant reminder of  my privillage. It is the wonderful mark from the labour of love bringing up my 3 wonderful children.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Kecewa

Bila dah menaruh harapan, walaupun tak berapa tinggi...kita tetap terasa kecewa bila apa yang diharap tak menjadi. Hari ni I was a bit down..terasa sedikit kecewa. I terima a followe up call dari seseorang ni menyatakan yang profile I will only be 'KIV'...since they reviewed me to be relevant BUT there are several candidates with heavier weights in terms of experience" In other words I will only be considered if the rest turn out otherwise...Ini bukan persoalan tak dapat kerja...cuma rasa kecewa kerana profile I tak dapat nak impress diorang. Bila tengok JD bukannya work task tu I tak boleh buat..if only they talk to me in person and see whether I have what it takes...

Backtrack sikit....2 minggu lepas tanpa diduga I dapat phone call from a head hunter. Berborak sampai sejam...dia minta I email CV I kat dia. At 1st bila tengok job description tu...memanglah terasa amat terujanya..cos for the 1st time I thought...inilah peluang ku untuk nak pegang jawatan ketua unit! Wah! Hebatnya! Seronoknya! Yang pasti gajinya tentulah best...untung badan...rezeki anak beranak I dok pikir...Syiokla kalau kali nie dapat le berbelanja lebih & dapat jugak buat simpanan. Sebetulnya bukanlah I terdesak nak pindah kerja...tempat I berkeja nie kira OKlah jugak. Cuma sejak-sejak kebelakangan ni bila HQ office kat Norway melalui re-org macam-macam perubahan berlaku, termasuklah portfolio we all. I frust jugak bila rasa new direction nie tak sesuai dengan keinginan peribadi..rasanya experience I yang 12 tahun nie takde value nya...but then again...nak mengubat perasaan I dok pikir jugak..maybe it's good also nalk belajar benda baru. Expand kan pengetahuan nie dan cuba perbaiki diri kearah yang lebih positif :). On the other side of it...I still rasa yang I perlukan options.

Anyway, hidup tak selalu senang. tak semua yang kita nak...kita boleh dapat. Kekadang kita rasa seronok kalau setiap kali nasib menyebelahi diri. Tapi bila hajat tak kesampaian, impian tak menjadi kenyataan...jodoh tak panjang..kita berasa teramatlah hampa & kecewa. So, masa tulah ujian terbesar bagi kita hanyalah bergantung kepada cara kita mengharunginya. Kuat ke semangat kita? Teguh ke kesabaran kita? Cekal ke hati kita? Tebal ke iman kita? Atau kita persoalkan nasib malang yang menimpa?...dan blame benda-benda lain yang menyebabkan kita gagal.

So kali nie..macam waktu-waktu dulu bila terasa kecewa..I told myself "it's not my time yet..it's not my rezeki..it was not meant to be because things happen for a reason." Dan mungkin ada hikmah disebalik kekecewaan I hari ni...Like back then bila putus kasih, kita dok pikir penat aje bercinta & berusaha bila ketentuan tuhan jodoh kita tiada dengan si dia. Tapi Allah itu maha mengetahui...setiap kegagalan & kehampaan yang dia turunkan pada kita ada lah ujian, dan kalau kita bersyukur dan tak patah semangat insyallah ada lagi yang lebih baik sebenarnya untuk kita ...


Kalau bukan rezeki...terima sajalah Aida...

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

4 days, 3 nights in Bangkok

I am attending Device gathering in Bangkok organised by my company. Took MAS flight, 2.05 hours of journer, no entertainment what so ever (no screen TV, no radio no nothing!) and the food was AWFUL! I chosed some sort of a flat noodles & black peppered beef. Honestly cold maggi mee taste a whole lot better! Twas a dissapointing experience!

Arrived at the Suvarnabhumi Airport yesterday afternoon 5pm. Weather was humid, rained a bit. Decided to take the public transportation because I had a feeling the traffic was bad & congested, it would take me more than an hour just to get to the hotel. So the train was a good option, several switching from train to monorail and a bit of a walk I reached to Sheraton hotel. It was a pretty good walk, I reckon I burned some calories along the way. But it was worth it, had a good glimpse of Bangkok after office hours, traffic was building up (not an unusual site since KL is no different at all!).

Just complete the 1st day of the conference...it was good. Met familiar Norwegian faces & make new friends from Pakistan and Thailand. Had a group dinner, Tom yam again but tonite was better than yesterday. It was at one of the impressive fusion restaurant but I am still hungry now cos' didn't had much then. Rice came later, tom yam was an appetizer...too shy to take too many mango & sticky rice dessert. But can't have much cos' they were serving duck and liver..and some beef stuff that obviously I couldn't touch. Fusion is not my thing though, the soft shell crabs doesn't taste as good as I expected...Anyhow it's all part of the experience.

Looking forward for tomorrow, hopefully another inspiring & fruitful event. I miss the kids..Thank God ibu ayah jumped in to fill up the gap! Feeling slightly bad cos' when I left the 3 kids are down with cough & flu. I know this is pretty taxing for ibu ayah..and haris...but don't worry kids, ibu coming home soon and I promise, I will make it up to you guys!

Sawadikap!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Menyambut Aidilfitri

Tahun nie, kami sekeluarga menyambut raya Aidilfitri secara sederhana. Yang penting bersama orang-orang yang kita sayang. Haris sungguhlah baik hati, alhamdulillah..dia beralah dengan kita untuk berada di Seremban pada malam raya. Tahun ni jugak, Dura & boy beraya sebelah mertua jadi kita volunteer untuk bersama ibu ayah on raya eve. Nak jugak tolong buat rendang or mana-mana yang patut. Kami sekeluarga kekalkan warna baju senada. Haris "recycle" baju melayu deep brown dia tu, kita finally berjaya tempah kain sari yang dibeli setahun lepas masa memula pergi ke Dhaka. Hakeem & Maira masing-masing pakai baju melayu plain senada warna kita; Goldern yellowish. Dan Hazrik kita belikan baju melayu cekak musang with lighter brown.

Kita sempat menjenguk keluarga di Glenmarie raya pertama. Makan & mentong rendang dengan mama & papa yang kita bekal dari Seremban. Hana sefamily join selepas balik dari rumah mertuanya. Makan sambil berbual...kami balik agak lewat ke rumah Sunway Kayangan.
Tahun ni jugak kami beramai-ramai kecuali Dura & Ted pulang ke Mersing..itupun pada raya ke 3. Bersantai, main mercun dan makan lagi...itu aje aktiviti kami. Sempat menjenguk kubur Tok Rahim & Pak Long pagi raya ke 4, kami terus singgah rumah Uncle Aman. Riuh rendah sekejap melayan Azian & Wan, kami menghentam kuih gunting sampai tinggal setengah balang. Malam tu ke rumah acik..mak adib & ayah Izhar pun ada...pekena mee bandung home made style! Apa penangan program tv kali nie, asyik dok pasang cerita hantu. Di rumah acik sambil makan-makan kami melayan cerita ding dong "Momok The Movie".

Raya ke 4, kami berpecah dengan ibu ayah & boy sekeluarga. Mereka drive south ke JB...we all ke "kampung" lagi satu di Kuantan...hehehhehe Swiss Garden. Sebenarnya nak amik kesempatan cuti panjang nie nak bawa the kids for a short hotel holiday. So ke sana le kami anak beranak..makan..berendam kat pool dan bersantai di tepian pantai sambil bermain pasir. Kali ni tak sempat nak amik gambar...camera tak bawa...Yang bagusnya time ni, masa check in Haris memang dah book bilik yang biasa, super deluxe. So kita dapat bilik yang ok sahaja dengan 2 single beds plus 1; so ada 3 la...then masuk-masuk aje toilet..bau hancing. En. Haris mana suka benda-benda ni sume...so dia pi le complain..alih-alih diberinya bilik yang lain..on a different wing. Memula contemplate jugak nak tukar bilik cos, bilik yang kami dapat ni..OK sebenarnya dekat sangat dengan pool. Tapi memandangkan tak sabar nak tunggu orang cleaner datang nak bersihkan toilet kami decided to pindah ajelah. Tengok-tengok, untung badan kami dapat bilik family...ada jacuzzi..2 tv, 2 single beds + 1 king size bed on the other attached room! Seronok sakan kami anak beranak!! Rezeki jangan di tolak..kami terima dengan besar hati :). 2 Malam di Kuantan dah kira cukup, tapi malangnya Haris kena gigit jellyfish di kedua belah kakinya. Kesian..memula terasa pedih katanya then terasa gatal-gatal la pulak. Nasib baik tak kena the kids. Masa tu kami tengah sibuk bermain pasir & kutip siput dan Haris seorang diri tengah syiok sendirian merendamkan kaki di tepi pantai. Alih-alih dia bergegas ke arah kami kesakitan..kesian. Rupanya, kata pekerja di situ, kalau air tenang memang jellyfish naik, and so far takde pun penghuni hotel yang terkena, Haris was the 1st...Dah nak kena...kalau menang loteri takpe gak...:P

Di penghujung minggu kami sekeluarga dah balik ke Sunway Kayangan semula. Sempat le bekal sedikit keropok & ikan masin dari Kuantan. Kami dah buat plan nak berkumpul hari Sabtu pula sebelah keluarga Glenmarie cos tahun ni, semua berpecah kecuali Hana yang tak pergi jauh cos mertuanya dekat le sangat. Kali nie, kami berlonggok di rumah baru mama & papa..Their weekend house di Sunway Kayangan dah siap, cuma takde furniture lagi. So bersantai di lantai, beralaskan tikar kami menjamu mee hoon goreng, rendang mama & lemang. Kita sediakan ayam goreng & roasted chicken salad. Riuh le sekejap rumah baru mereka dengan cucu-cucunya. Kami berdedai pulang selepas maghrib. Kali nie tak le lepak lama cos masing-masing ada plan yang lain selepas itu. Yang tak best nya kali nie, tahun nie takde gambar langsung keluarga sebelah Glenmarie ni..Sorang pun tak bawa camera...jadi melepas le peluang nak berposing.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Dugaan hidup

Malam semalam kita dapat sms dari kawan lama.  Berita tak baik, cos ketika itu isterinya terpaksa melalui proses biopsy, suspect tumor di leher. Pagi tadi semasa kita memandu di highway NKVE satu lagi sms dari dia; ianya kanser dan agak kritikal. Tergamam sekejap, sedih pun ye. Walaupun kita tak berapa rapat dengan isterinya, tapi tak boleh bayangkan apa yang dilalui oleh dia berdua suami isteri. Anak-anak masih kecil, sebaya dengan anak kita...

Kita hanya mampu berdoa semoga mereka berdua tabah hadapi dugaan. Semoga isterinya cepat sembuh. Kita sms dia balik "Tengah hari ni kita free, kita datang jumpa you lepas you solat Jumaat. Hang in there..." Itu saje yang boleh termampu...

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Kuih raya

My favourite kuih raya memang kuih suji...dan kuih tart yang ibu selalu buat. Lately nie bila dah tak duduk sebumbung dengan ibu, kami jarang sempat nak buat kuih. Maybe 2-3 tahun yang lepas Dura akan cuba buat kuih tart gunakan resepi ibu with me dok tolong-tolong letakkan jem nenasnya. This year macam payah lah pulak. Tiap-tiap weekend bila nak berkumpul, timing tak pernahnya sama...so at the end...kuih tart dalam kenangan. me alone nak mencuba buat kuih tart rasa macam lah payah (or maybe malas???)...so dengan tak malunya kita minta Haris belikan kuih raya dari kawan ofisnya this year (which actually is not bad at all!...) but the feeling tak sama....nak buat macam mana ek?

akan tetapi..setahu kita, kuih suji nie senang;ah kononnya. So dengan semangat yang membara, kita dok beli bahan-bahan nak buat kuih suji. Sekarang in between menunggu adunan perap dalam fridge 10min..kita berblog. Kalau jadi nak upload gambar sebagai bukti! Wish me luck!!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Ketetel

Ketetel: bermaksud berjalan atau menari sambil berjengket-jengket. Atau dalam keadaan yang laju sehinggakan macam kera dapat bunga. Excited gitu...

Sebagai contoh:
video


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Dari Seremban ke Janda Baik

Perancangan yang secara spontan lebih berkesan dari yang kita plan beriya-iya. Hujung minggu lepas kami pulang ke Seremban, nak buka dengan ibu ayah. Sabtu tengahri lagi kami dah sampai Seremban. Berjayalah jugak nak masakkan ibu buttered prawn yang dijanjikan. Haris nak makan tomyam udangnya, so sampai aje Seremban lepas kami punggahkan barang-barang, kami terusa ke Giant Seremban. Dapat la barang sikit, tapi bahan-bahan nak buat tomyam takde...sraight ke kedai runcit terdekat. Baru lah dapat serai dan limau yang kami nak.

Malam tu berbuka memang special. Ibu masak kari kepala ikan, kita buat tomyam sikit (atas permintaan Haris), dan buttered prawn tu. Dessert ibu buatkan kita bubur teligu (pengat barli)...manyak syiok! Seperti selalu malam tu kita berbual ibu sampai la pukul 2 pagi. Citer macam-macam, dari tudung baru yang ibu beli, baju melayu untuk bebudak...resepi untuk di bawa ke surau...kalau tak ayah masuk bilik mau tak melalut berborak sampai ke sahur..hehehehee....

Mai & Keem berposing dalam dusun.

Ahad, secara spontan Haris mentioned pasal Janda Baik, kebun ayahnya yang sekarang tengah lebat dengan buah-buahan. Kita jangan mentioned pasal kebun, buah...terus bersiap-siap lebih awal untuk ke sana. Kalau boleh nak kutip sebanyak-banyak manggis...Lepas zuhur kami bertolak. Singgah rumah Shah Alam, then straight ke Janda Baik. By the time sampai ke sana dah masuk 5 petang. Rambutan memang banyak, Duku langsat belum masak lagi, tapi manggis tinggal sikit jer. Kali ni tak sempat mandi sungai..terlalu lewat lagipun bulan puasa, makruh la pulak kalau berendam-rendam nie...And nak kejar kan solat asar so kami bergegas keLake Club untuk berbuka dan solat di sana. Sampai rumah 9 malam...penat tapi seronok. Malam tu semua tidur berdengkurrrr.....zzzzzzzzz.....

Syiok! duku langsat, tapi belum masak. 2 minggu lagi!
Jik takut semut! alahai!
Ayah & Jik mencuba nak kait rambutan yang merah-merah,semuanya tinggi-tinggi belaka.
my Hakeem, sungguhlah rajin!


Friday, August 20, 2010

Frust betul...

Dugaan...bulan nie kena banyak bersabar. Rasa macam nak meletup dada nie menahan stress tapi apakan daya, takat mampu bersabar ajelah. Nak meradang pun nak buat apa, nampak bodoh sendiri.

Kes 1:
Seminggu lepas handphone line kena barred pasal tak abis bayar bil...so bila kita call Customer Service Center untuk nak bayar tak boleh pulak cos credit card kena register dulu. Nasib baik sikit cos orang tu beri kelonggaran untuk remove the barring untuk 5 hari. So niatnya nak bayar la bil tu bila ke DiGi ofis hari Isnin nanti. Nak jadi kan cerita....(hehhehehe old school style)... training yang sepatutnya di HQ DiGi tukar ke Subang Villa. Melepas la peluang nak pi bayar on time. Stuck kat traning 3 hari berturut-turut abis pukul 5 petang, mana ada peluang nak singgah menyinggah. Abis training berebut balik nak nak masak untuk buka. Laa tu, hari Selasa kena barred lagi. Tension betul. Bila call helpline...langsung tak boleh Help. Katanya kita dah diberi peluang jadi takleh tolong apa-apa lagi, jadi nak taknak kena terima. Puas kita explain situasi, stuck kat DIGI training...ingatkan kalaulah kita ni dah kira adik beradik satu company dapat la bantuan ke apa. Malangnya...takde nasib kali nie. Tang tu dah stress dah. Ada handphone takleh call. Kita tahu, sepatutnya kita kena lah amik inisiatif nak settle kan masalah nie...tapi tulah kan...nak pegi bayar bermakna abis training kena lah pi cari DiGi Center...dengan jam lagi dengan berebut lagi...

Kes 2:
Semalam abis meeting kat DiGi awal, so amik le kesempatan nak menyettlekan permit kijer si Yus ni. So direct dari Subang Hi tech terus ke PKNS. Sampai-sampai kat imigresen, pegawai tu cakap, dalam system takde record fomema untuk Yus. Aik! musykil, bukankah 27hb Julai, dah pegi hantar si Yus ke klinik untuk medical check up dia. Then 11hb Klinik call kena amik urine test sekali lagi cos test pertama tak berapa bagus. In the initial record cakap status maid nie kena "kuarantin"..bermakna 1st test result menunjukkan dia tak lepas, walaupun "penyakit" sekadar kencing kotor, bukannya TB ke sakit jantung ke..or sakit otak ke...Dah retake the test 11hb tu, kita call la klinik 13hb Ogos nak tahukan keputusannya. Staff klinik tu cakap "Dah OK, lepas"...Dengan perasaan lega, kita pun pikir, OKlah sekarang tinggal nak settle kat immigration ajelah, pi amik Visa berkerja. 3 hari stuck kat training baru semalam dapat ke immigration. Dari pejabat immigration tingkat 2, kita ke pejabat Fomema tingkat 3. Di Fomema, dia kata klinik tak update lagi dalam sistem. Suruh call Fomema HQ kat Damansara cos diorang tak monitor case, sekadar beri borang & amik borang aje...lah ye ke??? ingatkan Pejabat Fomema fungsi semuanya sama...Call aje Fomema Damansara...kena tunggu lagi setengah jam cos waktu rehat (depa tak kijer waktu rehat/makan)...kisahnya...then tunggu punya tunggu dapat call..kena pas kan pegawai yang in charge, tapi line busy. Tunggu lagi. Pemutusnya dapat tahu, klinik yang tak update kan result yang terbaru. Call klinik, orang tu tak tahu cos dia tak handle case Yus. So dia tak boleh jawab sama ada klinik dah fax result ke fomema ke belum, tapi janji nak call balik once dah find out. Tunggu lagi..Memandangkan tempoh VISA entry Yus hanya bertahan sebulan kita ke pejabat imigresen lagi (tingkat 2) nak minta special extension sebulan lagi. Tapi takde receipt Fomema nak submit kat pegawai imigresen tu, so disuruh pi amik kat pejabat fomema for the copy. Naik lagi tingkat 3. Sampai sana request la copy resit tu...Bila dia soal lebih-lebih, dia pi contact pegawai kat HQ ofis. cos katanya "Nape lambat clinic tu nak submit result kalau dia kata result tu OK?"...laaa...mana kita tahu! Jadi Fomema buat follow up dekat klinik..katanya nak tolong kita (apa-apalah...beri jelah resit tu)..Bila dah dapat resit kita ke pejabat imigresen tu balik. Tunggu lagi. Bila dipanggil 30min kemudian, kata pegawai tu "Puan, ni kena bayar RM100 kerana visa sementara dah expired. Maid masuk 16hb Julai, sepatutnya benda ni sume kena settle dalam satu bulan tu.." Dengan muka sedih kita cakap la.."Saya tahu, tapi kalau result klinik tak keluar lagi macam mana? Saya tak sempat nak settlekan awal-awal dan sampai telupa tarikh. Saya bukannya lewat berbulan-bulan, sekadar 3 hari aje nie. Tak boleh tolong ke?"...End up, tak dapat buat apa-apa..bayar RM100 jugak (sayang duit tu...)..Tunggu 45min lagi sampai give up. Inform pegawai tu, esok jelah kita datang dah petang sangat. Makanan Buka belum prepare apa-apa lagi. Then turun bawah ingatkan nak terus balik, nampak pasar Ramadhan kat tepi PKNS tu. Selamat! Beli lauk sikit, nasi lemak sikit, kuih sikit...then terpikir, what if surat dari imegeresen tu Yus dah ready? Naik balik to check. Nasib la baik, surat & pasport ada. Dapat aje dokumen tu...kita terus ke kereta, nak balik...berebut nak kejar waktu sembahyang nie...

Penat betul bila ingatkan balik. Tak salahkan sape-sape.... Malam tu tido kepala rasa berserabut sangat, pinggang sakit, lutut sakit, hati sakit...frust betul....

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Aizat...lagi

Am I right about him or what????

PERGI - AIZAT

Salute to Aizat, discovered this song "Pergi"...while searching for his other song "Lagu Kita".
The more I search, the more I like him...most of his songs would have a deeper meaning and most of all suits him completely! I must be blind not to realized this earlier, apparently he composed most of his songs including "Lagu Kita"...
In a short time, he had made quite an achievement...
http://www.mmail.com.my/content/aizat%E2%80%99s-star-keeps-rising

Who would have thought, this talented boy was not the main favourite in the AF5...he did not have the commercial look, thus you can imagine he was not highly voted eventhough he had one of the most best vocal. But, I must say, of all the participants of Akademi Fantasia...Aizat stands out more..for me this boy is pure talent with awesome voice! The late Yasmin Ahmad chose "Pergi" for her Talentime soundtrack. Aizat wrote the Malay version of the "I go" by Pete Teo. Give it a listen if you have not. I promise you, you will fall in love with the song...

Listening to his song at 1.30am...

Friday, August 13, 2010

I miss...

I miss those simple life where you don't get a call where ever you are. In fact a phone call can be made in one place at a time.
I miss those early Saturday morning of cartoons program one after the other until ibu had to scream at us to get a shower.
I miss a good simple maggi mee Asam Laksa with an egg and bits of cili padi when it's raining outside.
I miss walking to the nearest store to get my TokCu her mamee snack supply
I miss those once a month event when ibu is on leave and she took us all to McD for our feast of Big Mac and coke.
I miss those long heart to heart conversation with Along while listening to our old radio playing NKOTB...Tommy Paige...Debbie Gibson....till 12am.
I miss those sneek get away with Boy driving ibu's car when she's not around...heading to Benteng Seremban spending 10 bucks on the laksa penang, lai chee kang & rojak kangkong.
I miss feeling silly & goofy making lousy jokes over a movie scene...
I miss going out with the girls without thinking about the time I need to get back.
I miss skipping around with no pain on my knee.
I really miss those sambal belacan mixed with left over rice & kicap! Yummy! (Dura's favourite too!)

I've gone mellow...simply missing those simple things in life.
(3rd day of Ramadhan)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

1431 Hijrah; Ramadhan 2010

Bermulalah bulan Ramadhan bagi tahun 1431 hijrah (2010). Kali nie, semangat nak beramal terasa membuak-buak. Waktu sahur kami bangun dengan mengantuknya tapi berjaya jugak Hazrik memperabiskan sebungkus nasi lemaknya dan burger sekeping. Tapi pagi nie, belum apa-apa lagi dia dah gaduh lapar. Memang payah nak mula terutama pada hari pertama. Tapi insyaallah, dalam 2-3 hari mesti boleh tahan dan terima, badan pun dah boleh adapt. Sekarang, kami mengajar Hazrik berpuasa secara serius. Umur dia pun dah 8 tahun. Memang dah boleh sangat berlatih. Tahun lepas, sekadar separuh hari..memang susah masa tu kerana Hazrik ni memang pemakan. Harap-harapnya dia boleh bertahan lah kali nie.



Tahun nie jugak, dah masuk 12 kali kita & Haris menyambut puasa bersama-sama. Setiap kali bulan Ramadhan kita akan mentioned kat dia..."ingat tak masa kita mula-mula kenal dulu? Waktu tu lagi seminggu dua nak masuk bulan puasa." Dan masa tu lah kami mula rapat. Habis kerja sama-sama pergi ke pasar Ramadhan dekat Bukit Jalil. Tapi hanya sekali dua berbuka bersama. Masa tu kan hanya kawan, jadi dia balik berbuka dengan keluarganya dan kita masa tu duduk seorang dekat Cheras kerap berbuka puasa dengan geng ofis si Fauziah.

Jadi bulan Ramadhan umpama anniversary peringatan waktu kami berkenalan. Mungkin berkat bulan mulia tu jugaklah petanda kami bertemu jodoh kan? Siapa sangka baru kenal aje kami dah buat keputusan nak kahwin.

Bila usia meningkat, kita mula sedar dan faham banyak perkara yang dulu tak diberi perhatian. Betapa pentingnya mengambil kesempatan di bulan Ramadhan ni membuat amalan. Berpuasa bukanlah sekadar sibuk menunggu waktu berbuka, mencari hidangan yang kita kepingin nak makan sehari suntuk. Tapi yang lebih penting mempunyai kesedaran bahawa inilah peluang kita mendapat ganjaran Allah dengan membuat sebanyak-sebanyak amal ibadat. Dan ini adalah waktu terbaik mempunyai kesedaran untuk meninggalkan amalan yang tak baik.

Kita berdoa seluruh ahli keluarga, ibu ayah, mama, papa, Along, Ted, Boy, As...dan keluarga Haris disebelah sana sihat dan semuanya selamat menjalankan ibadah puasa. Semoga tahun nie, kami semua mendapat keberkatan dan ganjaran dunia akhirat.

Selamat berpuasa semua!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Tipah tertipu...

Semalam over lunch dengan kawan-kawan office, one of our friend start bercerita yang dia sekarang hilang confidence level. Dengan muka frustnya dia buka cerita yang beberapa hari yang lepas, dia terima satu call (fixed line) kononnya dari jabatan kad kredit Bank Rakyat. "Pegawai" di talian tu ingin nak confirmkan application kawan I berkenaan permohonan dia untuk nak increasekan had kad kredit dia. Ofcourse kawan I nie terkejut cos dia tak pernah ada kad kredit dari Bank Rakyat, apatah lagi terkejut bila diberitahu yang kad itu digunakan untuk membuat satu pembayaran sebanyak RM9000 dari Singapura. Kononnya lagi kad itu telah di kealurkan dari cawangan Miri. So bila "pegawai" tu confirmkan nama & no. IC kawan I..semuanya betul. Nampak gaya "pegawai" tu ada butiran kawan I ni. Untuk nak block nama kawan I disalahgunkan "pegawai" nie pun berilah no. Bank Negara untuk dia hubungi. Kawan I nie pun, contact la no. tu. Silapnya dia tak counter check no. yang diberi tu...Bila dia call no. tu, ada pula orang menjawab. Secara professional orang ini melayan aduan kawan I. . Salah satu panggilan yang dia buat, dia ada bercakap dengan seorang lelaki cina yang kononnya pegawau Bank Negara. Yang musykilnya, dia bercakap dalam Bahasa Melayu dengan fasih. Apabila kawan I nie bertanya dalam Bahasa Inggeris, dia minta berbual dalam Bahasa Melayu. Katanya, temu bual ni perlu direkodkan kerana ingin digunakan dalam mahkamah..so nak taknak kawan I yang berbangsa cina nie pun berbual lah dalam bahasa Melayu dengan pegawai ni. Salah satu request bualan mereka, pegawai ni meminta kawan I ni pergi ke ATM untuk menyelaraskan akaun simpanannya...tak tahulah macam mana sampai ke situ...kawan I boleh plak ke ATM machine nak menekan beberapa butang yang telah diarahkan berserta dengan beberapa no. kod yang diberi pada kawan I nie. Tanpa bertanya atau terasa curiga dia buat apa yang di suruh. Siap beri arahan jangan ikut apa arahan yang tertera kat skrin, cuma key in nombor-nombor kod yang diberi. Ntah macam manala dia buat, tapi kawan I cakap..orang dalam phone tu memang smooth giler sampaikan dia tak rasa curiga langsung.Tup tup..satu resit keluar. Time tulah kawan I tersentak bila tersedar duit dalam saving dia kurang 5k. Dah mula rasa cuak dia call balik no "Bank negara" tu...orang tu jawab balik. Bila ditanya apa dah jadi; kenapa duit dia kurang 5k..."pegawai" tu cakap..itu prosedur biasa...duit dikembalikan nanti...But ofcourse dia dah rasa lain macam aje. Bila minta bantuan Bank, ofcourse bank kata dia tak boleh buat apa-apa kerana duit tu ditransfer oleh kawan i sendiri.

So..nak taknak dia terpaksa berulang alik ke balai polis membuat aduan. Malangnya pagawai polis yang nak ambil rekod ni kata kawan I...macam tak tahu apa-apa. Bila ditanya lebih-lebih semuanya tak tahu..Buat polis report pun...polis tu siap suruh kawan I sendiri yang type kan kat computer cos pjg. sgt katanya (laaaaa???)...Walaupun nampak mcm mudah...no. fixed line tu masih aktif...No. akaun yg duit tu ditransfer kan ada...tapi tak tahulah..kenapa polis tak ambil tindakan secepat mungkin. Kata mereka...mereka tgh monitor..Ntah apa yang dipantau? At the end...kawan I sekrg masih menunggu apa yg selanjutnya selepas membuat aduan polis...no. "bank negara" "no. pemanggil dari Bank Rakyat" tu masih aktif..Yang pasti..duit gaji nya lesap RM5000 begitu saje. kesian kawan I ni, dahlah dia sorang aje yang bekerja menampung isteri dan dua anak-anaknya yang masih kecil.

Kita biasa terima email dari kawan-kawan tentang scam mcm ni, tak sangka yang ianya terjadi pada seorang kawan sendiri. Itulah...nasihat pada semua..beringatlah..kalau terima panggilan pelik-pelik macam ni tolong jangan layan. Kalau nak ikutkan, kawan I ni seorang yang cermat & berhati-hati. Tak boleh nak jelaskan kenapa dia boleh terpedaya. Sama ada kes pukau ke, atau secara langsung dia terperangkap kerana perasaan cuak kerana takut nama nya terbabit..dia dah kena tipu dengan sindiket ni...

Apa-apa pun, pergi buat siasatan sendiri ke Bank Negara; betul ke nama kita digunakan oleh orang lain untuk kad kredit yang kita tak apply...Atau buat rujukan sendiri tanpa gunakan sebarang nombor-nombor yang diberi oleh sepemanggil. If it can happen ti my friend here, it can happen to anyone of us. Just be careful!

http://www.bnm.gov.my/index.php?
1-300-88-5465

SMS to 15888: BNM TANYA [your enquiry]
Email : bnmtelelink@ bnm.gov.my

Monday, July 26, 2010

Why do people cheat?

This topic intrigue me. Over a lunch one day an office colleague of mine simply mentioned that MEN in general are polgamyst in nature; they can't stick to one woman. They may marry one but would they stay true to that person? Who knows? I don't disagree with her. But I do feel that infidelity is not caused by men alone. There are a bunch of women out there probably unhappy with their partner, cheat! They seek for emotional support that they don't get from their spouse. Where else men, on the other hand may fall for physical stuff...(the other new physical stuff which they had enough with their current partner)

So, why do we get married if we know that one way or the other we will get bored with our partner? Or we will realized that the romance won't last? We've seen our friends who had been married for years and jokingly they would say "enjoy your couplehood now, wait till you have a baby...things will be different" then they laughed. And we laughed nervously...thinking "Great! What did I got myself into?"
Or they go "yeah lah..honeymoon now la...come and tell me again after 6 months!" Don't sound promising eh?

Does that mean, married couple WILL get bored with their partner somewhere along the line? And when they got bored, they tend to find other people more interesting and attractive? They practically saw everything they need to see in us right? So what else to expect? Things becoming predicatble, routine and mundane. Nothing could happen...until they carrying this exccessive baggage of boringness and suddenly met this interesting individual that caught the attention. Suddenly he/she felt alive! Appreciated (maybe)...The workplace is one of the biggest temptations to relationships! Trust me, a survey by Durex revealed this!
http://www.datingwebsites.org/2010/06/who-cheats-more-men-or-women/

Some facts about this can be found here:
http://www.infidelityfacts.com/index.html

ScienceDaily (Sep. 13, 2008) — The probability of someone cheating during the course of a relationship varies between 40% and 76%.http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/09/080908185238.htm

Interesting article to ponder....
http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Do-Married-People-Cheat?&id=897406

This is a depressing topic really! With the statistics and all, it seems that we are all doomed to be cheated or maybe cheating on our partner if not today maybe 2-3 years time...Does this give the cheating partner to feel good about themselves that, the infidelity behaviour is a painful acceptance by the society? That falling to temptations are just normal?. OK I am getting sick to my stomach now...is it because this is a bitter topic or I just had a lousy lunch just now?

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Pembantu baru

Kita baru dapat pembantu baru, last weekend balik Seremban menghantar pembantu ibu yang kita pinjam 3 bulan. Rasa lega pun ada cos' pembantu yang lama ni susah nak bentuk. tegur lebih-lebih muka dia jadi kelat. Tak tegur pun susah, tapi pasal dia ni kes "pinjam" so tak boleh la nak cerewet sangat. Janji budak-budak OK, rumah berabuk sikit pejam jelah mata sebelah.

Kalau nak citer pasal kes-kes pembantu rumah ni, sampai malam pun tak habis. Sejak zaman tok nun lagi problem ada pembantu rumah lebih kurang sama aje. Tapi tak boleh dinafikan satu dalam seribu ada yang OK sangat-sangat. Pengalaman sendiri pun macam tu. Sejak ada anak pertama 9 tahun yang lepas, kita dah ada pembantu rumah nak masuk 10 orang, termasuk la 2-3 orang kes sementara (in between maid). Dalam 10 orang yang kita dapat, 2 orang betul-betul OK, seorang tu complete contract nya. Yang lain, ada aje ceritanya. Member ofis dok gelar kita "employer from hell" Kononnya terlampau garang. Walhasilnya pembantu yang awal-awalnya kita layan sangat lah baik. Nak amik hati konon, kesian depa jauh dari family...hidup susah. So ingatkan kalau lah kita jaga hati diorang lebih berterima kasih. At least seronok duduk/bekerja dengan kita. Tapi statisknya, yang pertama baru kije 4 bulan dah nak balik..katanya ayah dia nazak. Dah tu? Takkan nak larang ye tak? Yang rugi kita la jugak cos ejen tak nak layan, taknak beri ganti rugi walaupun kita dah belanja beribu-ribu nak dapat kan pembantu. Yang ke2 & ke 3 kes yang sama. Masuk 7-10 bulan dah takde mood nak kijer. Dah mula tengok kijer nak taknak, budak jatuh depan pun amik masa nak kejar..sometime buat tak tahu! Bila ditegur, sedar-sedar dah lari. Yang dilegalizekan permit pun ada, ingat dia berterima kasih, end up...dapat paspot dia berambus cos pacar offer kerja tempat lain. Ada jugak yang masuk tahun ke2, baru renew permit, 2 minggu selepas tu dia lari...Adusss...duit lagi, kena bayar penalty kat imigresen. Kena bayar balik ejen untuk dapat yang baru. Dalam hati dok pikir...kalaulah I can di without them...alangkah baiknya. Pilihan ada tapi pasti ada masalah-masalah lain pulak. Nursery, Babysitter...tak semudah itu.

Kekadang bila compare notes dengan kengkawan yang lain, ada kes yang lagi teruk. Syukur la sebelum ni, takde kes anak-anak dipukul tampar. Sekarang yang dua orang tu dah besar, kuranglah rasa sangsi. Apa-apa hal, diorang dah boleh mengadu. 2 hari yang lepas kita terserempak seorang pembantu jiran menyuap makan anak majikannya di tepi longkang belakang rumah. Lalu kita pun tegur la secara baik...kenapa diberi makan di sini, bukankah tempat ni kotor. Dan kita tanya majikan OK ke beri anak dia makan nasi di kawasan ini. Jawab si pembantu ni dengan nada yang agak keras (marah kot kita dok tegur dia) "Iyelah kalau majikannya tahu, pastilah tak OK". Dengan perasaan pelik kita tanya lagi "Dah tahu tak OK kenapa dibuat?" Selamba aje muka dia, pedulik apa dia dengan kita cos kita bukan bos dia ye tak? Geram rasanya...pengotor sungguh! Tak amanah..cos jaga anak orang ikut sukati dia. Kesimpulannya mereka nie depan kita maybe peluk-peluk anak kita. But the moment kita keluar rumah..tuhan saja yang tahu. Not all genuine & honest with their job. Some may, but not most!

So bermula lah episod baru kita dengan pembantu baru ni. Mintak-mintak dia OK. So far tak banyak mulut. Apa yang disuruh itu yang di buat. Mungkin terlalu awal nak buat penilaian. Kita dah go through the routine, dah beritahu mana yang patut. Sekarang masa yang menentukan...dan kena doa banyak-banyak yang kita dapat pembantu yang baik dan amanah menjaga anak-anak bila kita keluar bekerja.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Quiet time


I cherish my quiet time. The fact that my life all this while is far from being quiet. I have a loud family, I love loud friends...it represent honesty and history you have with them. And when my siblings plus my parents are at our dinner table we talked about anything & everything...loudly. From far bystander would probably think we were all arguing or having some serious debate!!
I am myself considered to be loud (I hope in a good way). And I love it!

When I came for a job interview to the Cyberjaya office, the 2 interviewers asked me "Do I have any questions?"...I simply ask "Why is the office here is too quiet?"...jokingly ofcourse! I'm not quiet sure whether they get my joke, they'd probably think I was being rude. But they hired me anyway. :)

As years passed, I realized my personality took a bit of a twist...oh I'm still loud though but, I hold back some thoughts. Gone those time that sometimes my words gets ahead from my head. I quickly recap my thoughts first and carefully rephrase them and use the proper tones to ensure that it reflects well. My loudness were at time perceived as being impatient & intrusive. Too quick to assume a judgement, too swift to pass a remark and sometime too early to bystand a defence. I guess this is what you call maturity, it comes with self realisation of years that passed you by and the learnings you get from mistakes you have made; intentionally or not.

Do you realized that matured people tend to listen more before giving an opinion? They tend to nod more; not a gesture of agreement but clearly to acknowldege some sort of understanding, or even perhaps a gesture that they are listening.

I hope in years, I grow wiser and more matured in making my life decisions. I still love the loudeness, to me...it brings out the life in me; but once in a while when you have quiet time for yourself (such as now) to do some thinking & self reflections; should be good too. It feed your soul in embracing maturity.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Beautiful Oslo

I had the privilege to be in Oslo during summer this year, took a bit of pictures and managed to cover few attractions in between being there for work. Summer season was the best of time to be there, the local colleagues would tell me. Simply because the day is longer, so you'd be amazed to see that it was still bright outside eventhough the time was 9pm. The first few days I was there the Norwegian summer was not what I expected. It was cold and windy; reminded me UK in autumn. I was told that it rained a day before but a week before I came, the sun was out and it was sunny and bright. OK, so I figured eventually that summer time in Oslo can be pretty unique because it can be sunny today but if it rain it will be as cold as it can be. But then again, when I was there mid June, it was not quite summer yet...more of a transition period of turning summer.

What I love the most about the place was the people. Norwegian really love the nature. They are bunch of outdoor people. They spend quality time with the family doing the outdoor activities. And the weather won't stop them either. If it's winter, snow and cold they would go out and ski. If it's summer or spring they hike and jog. Fantastic!! This is the kind of lifestyle I myself would embrace. I love the fact that you spend quality time doing outdoor activities rather than being stuck in the house most of the time. It's has always been my dream to take my kids for a good camping one day!

The Statue park

Oslo itself is a unique town. The town is a mix of modern art & modern architecture but still retain the natural landscape. Some of the interesting places I have seen in Oslo was:
The Nobel Peace Center (That's right!!)
The Statute Park (Vigelandsparken)
The National Museum
The Opera (a very unique modern building)
Holmenkollen (ski jump tower)
The City Hall
The Palace (only from the outside)
Telenor HQ office (in Fornebu)
...and I discovered one Halal Kebab shop there!
 





the palace

discovered this in the middle of the town

On top of the Opera building
the breakfast

11pm! Believe it or not!
It was a heck of 2 weeks stay and I truly love being there.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Weekend of adventure

I took my Friday off last week to join Haris for an event that he has to attend at Bukit Merah. I was so thrilled that ibu & ayah wanted to join since Haris was driving the Starex. With 3 kids at the back, grandparents and us...it was such a wild & fun ride. The ride was loud as you know with 3 excited kids (macam cuti sekolah la pulak!)..and ibu trying to manage all them. Ayah was so caught up with "Avatar" movie that I played in the car, he hardly said a word except asking me bit & pieces about the movie. We pushed off to Perak in the afternoon and soon enough reached to Bukit Merah slightly by 4pm. We stayed at The Bukit Merah service apartment there. As mentioned in the Trip Advisor, the place wasn't really that good. The pool was OK though, but the rest was pretty much so-so. The so called 2 rooms apartment was not much, Haris wasn't quite happy about it but at least the toilet is clean, they have hot water & air-cond. But you probably wouldn't stay more than 2 days...

Still plenty of time, the kids, ayah & me rushed to the pool with ibu relaxing nearby. Haris dozed quietly...since he had only had few hours of sleep before. That night we went to the nearby lake area. Initially there weren't many people until the FIFA match between Brazil vs Netherlands, we started to see some crowd. Ibu & I decided to take the kids back since it was really late. The men stayed to watch the football game.
We went to the animal park the next day. It was quite a walk but worth the trip. The place was clean and presentable. The kids was having so much fun, and for me to have ibu ayah around was a complete bonus! The place has a great potential, the tropical forest, the natural lake was fantastic but the whole commercialized "tourist" area was not up to the standard. I wish the staff are more professional, I wish the services are more customer friendly, I wish they would have local rate to attract 'working class' people across the nation and I wish they would have senior citizen services and special needed visitors (disabled ones). It is such a waste to have a world class wonderful natural attractions but the services provided are so 2nd class level.
















Jalan-jalan cari makan
Our lunch was even more exciting because Haris took us to Sungai 2 in Penang for Mee Udang. We had that and fried crab along with fresh coconut juice. None of us has ever been there, so for all the 1st timers like us, it was an adventurous trip for lunch. And I must say the food was awsome! Later on we headed to the Penang island. Planning to stay in Penang for a night. Even though Haris's colleague had booked us rooms in Berjaya hotel, Haris insisted we tried our luck for a walk in room at a better located Hotel. We drove to some few high rated hotels, unfortunately we couldn't even get any room there. Some are full most are too pricy..at the end resuming to drive to the Berjaya Hotel, Haris took a wrong turn end up we were driving back to the Penang Bridge. 6pm then...at the end spontaneously we decided to head back. Ibu & I was a bit dissappointed because we were talking about having nice Nasi Kandar for dinner. Haris tried to book a last minute room in Lumut Swiss Garden but couldn't even secure any room that evening as well!

10pm, we reached Subang Jaya. Decided to get the nasi Kandar at Pelita SS15. We tapau, headed home and had a nice family dinner at the Sunway Kayangan Hotel; our home instead. I bet all of us slept snoring that night! :)

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Obsesiku (rough version) by Aqasha

Obsesiku (rough version) by Aqasha

always admired his talent. But I wish he streamline his music type...I personally like if he goes bit of R&B and Pop. His voice compliment it well...dangdut like? naaaah!

Obsession or motivation?

Last weekend I measured my weight and realized that I gain back 2kg. It took me agonizing months just to sheds that off! Prior to my business trip, I have not been working out as frequent as I should. But I still watch what I eat...enough to make sure I don't overstuffed myself. And for some ironic reason after coming back from 2 weeks of business trip, the weight never seems to change as it was 6 months ago! This is so depressing!

Clearly I am so over the post pregnancy state because Hakeem is 2 now, and I can't use that as an excuse to be "over weight". I was at my worst after my delivery. Ofcourse I didn't feel so bad about it because I was pregnant right? But then I realized its not being fat that bothers me, I don't consider my self to be obsesive in getting slim (though I am inspired to gain back my figure)...I just don't want to be "out of proportion". Buying clothes can be a depressing thing. Most t-shirts that looks good on the mannequin looked awful on me. So I have to settle to baggier clother, mostly men's t-shirt which do not compliment me at all.

My objective is simple, I want to feel good about myself. In doing so I wanted to be healthy and fit. I am already at my late 30s. If I can't look good at this age, what else am I? Looking good is a subjective matter, I can't possible have the super model body, not fancy a flat ab (cos I don't remember ever had one before)...but I want to be in shape, I want to be able to shop for any darn clothes that I want. I want to be able to run up the stairs without having to stop and catch my breath. So I hit the gym again 2 days in a row (took an easy cardio on day 1since it has been a month)...by the 3rd day I took a slow walk with Hakeem in the afternoon. I literally told myself that I will not consume any sugar in my drinks! AT ALL!! By the 4th day, I think (and I hope its not just water retention) that 2kg are gone! IS THIS FOR REAL??? Perhaps because I was seriously monitoring my calorie intake (no more that 1400 calorie per day) + the exercise + the meal portion. The difference is now I started to create a daily diary of my calorin intake. I need to put the data out of my mind and jotted in down...literally. Previously, I was not so into this. I control my portion, had good lunch, skip rice for dinner...however still taking my coffee & tea with sugar.

This time, I am in for real. I need to see results. I can't just walking around thinking that this is impossible. I can't give my age as an excuses. I can't stop motivating myself just because I am tired. I don't need drastic results. I just need to make sure, I eat well, exercise more and stay positive. I cannot fall back to the same weight as I was 6 months ago...the pounds has to go, the fat has to go!! Slowly, gradually but surely...only 1pound a week. Thats all I need!

This post I dedicate to myself as a reminder of what I want now! It is a virtual documentation of my oath. It should validate me and bind me till the end of the year.

my lunch today: miso soup (86 calorie)

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Jauh di mata dekat di hati...

I have been away from my family for 11days now. By the time I reach home it will be a complete 12 days. Currently I am in my hotel room in Oslo, 12midnight...alone and cold. It's 12c degrees outside. I just had a cup of latte a while ago with a friend, slightly tired but not sleepy. Just finished packing my suitcase, making sure I leave out the clothes that I want to wear the next day. My flight is 2pm tomorrow, luckily the bus to airport is just a walk away.

The last time I was on a business trip was about a year ago, and it was only couple of days or so. This is the longest time I have been away from my kids & Haris. I tried not to think too much about it, just sink into my work. Each morning I would called ibu and had a quick chat with her and the kids (the kids are with ibu & ayah for the week of school holiday). Then followed by a call to Haris. Time difference is 6 hours behind from Malaysia, so by the time I called home it's the morning time for me and its in the afternoon there. Haris wasn't so keen for me to take more than a week away. He would prefer I spend as less away from the kids. I would prefer that too but this trip is different, I need to be here whether I like it or not.

The good thing behind all this, I realized that how much Haris misses me. He text me each morning to tell me how he feels and wish I'd come home soon. It boost my spirit sky high knowing that I am needed and appreciated. The last time he'd gone mellow was 11 years ago when he had to join his family to UK for 2 weeks. He was attending his sister's graduation followed by a week vacation to Egypt. I could still remember how agonizing it was for not able to see him. He cut his trip short and came home 4 days earlier. That wonderful time away was the turning point for both of us. We decided to get married. We realized that we couldn't possibly be away again.

This time, I can sense how lost he felt. At 1st he was upset with me for taking away the routine. He blame me ofcourse for causing his loneliness...with no kids around and me not being there. But what's important I discovered here that we never felt so lost then we ever did. We needed each other even more and we truly appreciate what we have. I am glad that something good come out from this. It is painful to be away from your loved ones. Oslo is a beautiful town, more so during summer. But I can't seem to enjoy it cos I can't share it with Haris & the kids. Each time I saw something nice and beautiful, my heart wish that I could experience the feelings with them. I wish they are here with me.

I am coming home soon, less than 24 hours I will be on a plane heading to Bangkok and then back home in KL. Will reach 12.15pm at KLIA 24th June 2010. With Haris waiting for me at the entrance gate to take me home to the kids.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Cakap-cakap pedas

Pelik ye orang yang tak heran dengan undang-undang, tak bimbang dengan hukuman dunia & akhirat. Aku bukan berniat nak berkhutbah dan bukan nak berbahas macam orang yang tinggi ilmu agama atau ahli politik berwibawa, aku sedar...tahap kelemahan aku sendiri. Kalau nak dibandingkan ilmu yang aku ada dengan orang-orang lain, mungkin juga aku tak layak nak bercakap lebih-lebih isu bersangkut paut dengan agama atau ekonomi atau politik nie. Tapi aku rasa kan, walaupun aku nie bukan ustazah atau doktor falsafah sekurang-kurangnya aku sedar & paham apa dia dosa & pahala; yang salah & yang betul.

Bercakap pasal dosa & pahala nie, aku rasa semua orang alim ke tidak, paham benar apa yang menyebabkan orang tu berdosa & orang tu dapat pahala..tu semua dia ajar kita sejak kecik lagi. "Jangan pukul adik, berdosa" Jangan menjawab dengan orang tua, berdosa" "dapat pahala kalau tolong orang"...Memang la soal sama ada orang tu berdosa atau tidak bukan lah kita boleh congak & main cakap jer. Nie semua ketentuan Allah. Pahala & dosa bergantung kepada Dia.

So, secara amnya, konsep pahala dosa nie simple jer...amalkan berbuat baik, hindarkan sebarang kemungkaran. Sebodoh-bodoh mengutuk, mengumpat & menfitnah orang pun dah kira perlakuan yang tak baik apakan lagi kalau orang tu mencuri, membunuh, menyebabkan orang ditimpa kesusahan atas tindak tanduk kita yang tak bertanggungjawab. Kesimpulan asas dosa pahala nie berkait dengan benda yang haram & halal. Kita dapat pahala kalau jauhkan diri dengan benda yang haram...kita berdosa sekiranya kita mendekati perkara-perkara yang haram dilakukan. Simple kan?? Tapi ada jugak saudara-saudara kita di sana bukan tak paham, tapi buat-buat tak paham.

Yang aku cuba maksudkan di sini bukanlah nak mengenakan sesiapa yang aku kenal hidup atau yang dah mati. Langsung takde. Cuma tiap kali ada aje terpapar berita tentang penyelewengan atau salah guna kuasa, aku rasa teramat musykil, kenapa orang yang berjawatan tinggi (boleh dianggap orang yang pandai pasal dia memegang jawatan & tanggunjawab yang besar) boleh tersabit melakukan perkara sebodoh itu; songlap duit ke, gila kuasa ke...Aku rasa diorang nie pun bukan tak tahu tentang betapa beratnya amanah yang diberi. Kalau tidak masakan boleh digajikan sebegitu lumayan, ye tak? Oklah, aku tak pastilah besar mana gaji diorang nie tapi kalau dah pangkat management, ketua syarikat..takkan gaji dia seciput macam aku ni. Oleh demikian, argument aku kenapa la kalau dah sah diorang berpangkat tinggi & begaji besar nak guna cara yang salah untuk menambahkan kekayaan??? Dah banyak duit, apa masalahnya? Kata ayah aku...masalah orang-orang yang seumpamanya, dia jadi tamak.
Then apa hal pulak tentang amanah? Kalau sudah dipertanggungjawabkan sesuatu kerja, dan diupah pulak tu untuk menjana amanah syarikat tapi disebaliknya ada pulak motif peribadi...mana perginya integriti dan accountabiliy (bercampur aduk la pulak bahasa ku ini)? Orang bawahan buat salah, melenting tapi kalau tuan buat salah, buat cover up?
http://www.btimes.com.my/Current_News/BTIMES/articles/20100513144613/Article/index_html
Then bercakap pulak pasal teladan melalui kepimpinan; surat khabar STAR pagi nie...bercerita pasal seorang pemimpin politik kita seorang nie (actually dia punya kes tak lah sehebat yang lain-lain yang ada...tapi sebagai contoh, konsep kepelikkannya lebih kurang sama lah!!)...
Kalau lah jawatan kita nie dah terang-terang seorang pemimpin politik "Member of the parliment, an MP" bermakna jawatan yang dia pegang nie berdasarkan kepada kepercayaan yang orang beri kepada dia. Jadi tak salahkan kalau kita labelkan dia nie seorang pemimpin. And yet, benda sebodoh-bodoh nak kawin dua pun dia boleh melanggari undang-undang...apa macam? Nak berpoligami tu tak salah, tapi malangnya kalau lah di mata masyarakat nie kita tu dianggap sebagai ikon, lebih berat lah lagi bagi seorang pemimpin itu membuat setiap keputusan yang akan dia buat; tak kira secara peribadi atau pun tidak. Orang memandang, dan pula dicontohi. Jadi setiap tindak tanduk yang dilakukan perlu ada perasaan tanggungjawab. Tak kiralah kalau masa tu, dah bercinta habis dengan isteri muda yang cantik lagi terkenal. So sebagai orang bawahan, bila tengok pemimpin kita terang-terang melanggari undang-undang, perlukah kita menghormati beliau? Ini baru kes poligami, berkahwin tanpa kebenaran mahkamah bukan lagi yang berat-berat macam kena tangkap basah, ada hubungan sulit dengan budak bawah umur, ada aktiviti porno dengan mistress...And yet mereka nie masih ada pengikut & penyokong (barua la tu)...masih nak pegang jawatan tu.

Nie lebih kurang sama la kalau kita tengok orang yang sepatutnya menegakkan keadilan undang-undang merupakan orang yang melanggarnya "law maker, law breaker!!"...Statement dari salah satu sepanduk orang yang mengecam si MP nie. http://www.thesundaily.com/article.cfm?id=46929



Yang lagi satu nie pun, satu topik yang sungguh menarik. Macam cerita hindustan la...Kita semua dah maklum hukum alam kan?? Yang dia atas tak akan selalu berada dia atas; unless kita percaya pada hukum kasta la. Kalau kau dilahirkan di dalam kasta terendah sekali, maka kau tergolong daripada mereka yang tak berkemampuan, tak berpeluang dan tak kemana. Vice versa; kalau kau dilahirkan dalam golongan orang yang berada chances are hidup kau akan sentiasa senang, sure pegang jawatan tinggi, berpelajaran...


Tapi tak semua orang yang sekarangnya senang & mewah dulu dilahirkan dalam keluarga yang berada. Ada jugak sesetengah pemimpin kita nie datangnya dari golongan orang-orang biasa aje. Diorang bekerja keras, berwibawa dan mempunyai kepimpinan yang diperlukan. Tapi...persoalannya bukan sama ada mereka layak memegang jawatan tu atau tidak; yang penting adakah beliau menjalankan tanggunjawab yang telah diamanahkan. Adakah dia masih relevan? Dah tentu majoriti memilihnya kerana semua orang percaya kepadanya. Mereka mahukan ketua yang dapat membela nasib mereka dan mewakili suara mereka. TETAPI, manusia kalau dah manusia la katakan tak semua yang dilakukan sempurna. Ada la terkadang tersilap sana sini...tapi kalau dah pegang jawatan tu terlalu lama kesilapan yang sikit-sikit akan nampak banyak. Tu pendapat aku. Aku tak kata seseorang yang pegang jawatan tertinggi atau ahli politik ni tak boleh buat silap langsung, tu kena tengok kepada jenis & tahap kesilapannya jugak...tak boleh la pemimpin yang berkempen membenteras korupsi end up jadi orang yang corrupted pulak!

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/5/20/nation/6297339&sec=nati

Walaupun kebanyakkan orang yang macam aku nie, duduk atas pagar kerana keliru dengan apa yang ada terpapar di luar sana. Yang sini kata begini, yang sana bangkang sebegitu...kekadang tu tak tahu mana yang betul mana yang tidak. Tapi aku tak boleh nak elakkan diri nie memberi pendapat walaupun sekadar di dalam blog yang tak seberapa ini. Banyak lagi masalah-masalah besar. Ramai lagi orang-orang yang tak bernasib baik perlukan pembelaan. Masih ada lagi isu keselamatan; masih lagi ada kemiskinan. Wakil rakyat turun padang bila nak berkempen, bila ada pilihanraya atau bila sesuatu malapetaka berlaku - keluar dalam berita...baru la datang menjenguk. Aku tak puas hati...

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Tatkala mata melihat & telinga mendengar

Semalam anakku Hakeem meniru satu gelagat yang ingin aku kongsi bersama di dalam blog ini. Semasa Haris bersiap sedia untuk bersolat isyak, dia membentangkan sejadahnya dia atas lantai. Selepas itu dia ke bilik air seketika. Hakeem yang pada mulanya sedang elok bermain-main seorang diri dia atas tilam pergi ke sejadah dan berdiri di atasnya. Aku sedang leka dengan laptop ku, menoleh ke arahnya dan terpegun dengan keletahnya. Dia memandang aku lalu berkata "tim abar" (Keem Allahuakhbar)...memahami maksudnya aku mengangguk dan berkata "OK, Hakkem nak sembahyang ye?"...dia menjawab "ah"...mengiyakan pertanyaanku. Aku memanggil Haris. Kami melihat perlakuannya bersama. Memulakan dengan mengangkat tangannya dia terus meniarap di atas sejadah itu dan melaungkan Allahuakhbar dengan pelatnya. Kemudian dia duduk dan terus berkata amin dan menyapu mukanya dengan kedua-dua tangannya.

Bayangkanlah, seusia 2 tahun dia mengajuk perlakuan ayahnya ketika bersembahyang. Tak sempurna, tetapi konsep melakukan solat itu padanya bukanlah sesuatu yang ganjil.

Ini membuktikan bahawa, anak-anak memerhati perlakuan kita; buruk & baik. Mereka mengajuk perlakuan kita walaupun tidak memahami sepenuhnya.

Ini mengingakan aku kembali tentang seseorang semasa aku berusia 13 tahun. Masa tu, kami menetap dia KKB semasa ayah mengajar dia Maktab Polis. Dia ni bukanlah kawan rapat, tetapi salah seorang anak polis di berek belakang yang memang terkenal dengan kenakalannya. Yang aku ingat sangat pasal dia ni, suka sangat mencarut-carut. Maklumlah, dalam keluarga aku manakan mungkin kami boleh bercakap seumpamanya. Memang tak pernahlah kami adik beradik berani nak bercakap kasar sesama sendiri (mau tak terbeliak mata ibu kalau kami bercakap bukan-bukan). Jadi tiap kali aku mendengar ucapannya yang agak kasar, dan menyebut beberapa perkataan yang sungguh asing aku rasa tidak selesa. Aku rasa pelik macam manalah budak yang lebih muda dari ku, boleh mempunyai kebebasan "cakap lepas"?...Ketika aku berpeluang berlegar-legar di kawasan berek polis belakang rumah ku, aku terdengar pekikan seorang ibu kepada anaknya; aku tersedar bahawa ibu itu sedang memarahi anaknya. Bila ditenung lagi, aku menyedari bahawa perempuan itu ada lah ibu kepada budak lelaki itu; sambil menjerit-jerit kepada anaknya, tak lepas-lepas ungkapan kasar umpama carutan kepada anaknya. Aku masa tu pun bukanlah bijak sangat, baru tingkatan 2 tapi yang buat aku terpegun melihat betapa kasarnya bahasa digunakan oleh ibu itu pada anaknya. Patutlah budak lelaki itu langsung tidak kekok dengan bahasa-bahasa carutan kerana dia terlalu biasa mendengarnya di rumahnya.

Jadi bayangkanlah, betapa persekitaran keluarga penting membentuk personaliti anak-anak. Kalau si ayah sudah biasa memukul isterinya di depan anak-anak..walaupun anak-anak berasa takut, bukankah itu sudah menjadi kebiasaan pada mereka? Bagaimana seorang perempuan dilayani oleh lelaki, bagaimana kekerasan menjadi penyelesaian kepada masalah.

Aku bukanlah seorang yang sempurna tapi aku kerap mengingati diriku agar jangan mudah terikut-ikut dengan perasaan marah, jangan cepat melatah dan bertindak bodoh kalau terasa keliru. Kalau boleh tidak mahu anak-anakku terdedah dengan sikap negatif ku. Anak-anak memerhati tindak tanduk kita, mereka mendengar ucapan kita bila kita bercakap. Mereka akan bertanya kenapa orang itu bersikap ganas atau kasar atau sebaliknya. Mereka inginkan penjelasan...tapi apa gunanya kalau kita bersikap umpama "ketam mengajar anaknya berjalan lurus?"...Kalau kita tidak menunjukkan perlakuan yang baik masakan kita mengharapkan anak kita bersikap mulia?

Pernah suatu hari Hazrik bertanya kepadaku, semasa kami menonton berita CNN.."kenapa orang yang mengaku dirinya Islam, bertindak membunuh orang tanpa belas kasihan dan meletupkan diri nya? Bukan ke bunuh diri itu berdosa?" Aku mengambil masa untuk memberi penjelasan kepadanya tentang orang yang bersikap ekstrem & yang terpesong dengan pegangannya. Sama ada dia faham atau tidak...aku tak pasti. Apa yang buat aku terpikir, anak bujang ku itu baru sahaja 9 tahun & dia memerhatikan dunia sekelilingnya sekarang dan ianya bukan lagi sekadar persekitarannya tapi jauh ke dunia luar. Dia mendengar berita, cerita dan ungkapan asing yang bukan lagi dalam kawalan ku.

Jadi, apa yang penting, apa yang boleh aku kawal adalah asas pegangannya. Aku perlu bina prinsip anak-anakku agar dia bijak memilih jalan untuknya sendiri. Dia perlu mempelajari dari kesilapannya dan bertanggung jawab ke atasnya.

Kepimpinan bukan sekadar mengarah, menunjuk jalan dan mengharap orang bimbingan kita mengikuti arahan itu. Tapi kepimpinan perlu datang dengan sifat belas dan keupayaan untuk memberi contoh. Kejayaan bukan perlu di puji atau diber penghormatan. Bagi ku, biarlah perlakuan baik yang kita tonjolkan menjadi inspirasi kepada mereka menjadi lebih baik.

Friday, May 14, 2010

A boy, an old man & a camel

*Once upon a time, there were a boy and his elderly father walking on the dessert carrying their goods on their shoulder. While walking, they found a camel with no master. They decided to take the camel and make used of the animal to carry those goods. Not long after that, they bumped into a stranger that gave a remark to them “why do you only put the goods on top of the camel, and allow the poor child to walk on his own? Thus they decided to have the goods and the boy to be on top of the camel. They continued their journey. Along the way the met a different stranger, this man saw them and started to say “why is the camel carrying the goods & the boy, when you as an old man deserved to be carried instead?” Listening to this man’s suggestion, the father replaced his son riding on the camel along with their goods.” Half way through, a different stranger saw and said to them “shouldn’t you allow the poor little boy to ride the camel?” Agreeing to this, the father came down from the camel and let the boy to ride on it instead. (Kesian..penat unta tuuu….) but not long after that, another stranger commented to them “The young boy should give way to the elderly, why don’t you ride the camel and not the boy?” Upon hearing this, again they swap places; having the father to ride the camel with the goods & the boy walking behind them.
After a while, they decided themselves to both ride the camel with the goods instead. While riding, they met a different guy who greeted them; he said “That poor camel, with you both & the goods on top of it.” The father & the son were puzzled, nothing seemed to be right in whatever decision they made, different people would give different feedback to them. So what should be the right way then???
Moral of the story: you can’t always follow what people say, you would end up exhausting yourself & swarm with confusions; plus you are killing that poor camel, nobody wants to carry the camel!!


Something to ponder about:
1. When should you then ask for opinions & suggestions for your problems/conditions?
2. Should you listen & follow suggestions given?
3. How do you evaluate all different opinions given?
4. Should you just ignore what people says about you and do whatever that you feel best & right for you? But what if what you feel is not justifiable to be the best decision? Then shouldn’t you get other people’s suggestion or opinion to benchmark? –go back to point 1.

maizikeem’s note: It’s true that you can’t always follow blindly on what people tell you to do because they are not in your shoes. They are just a bystander who has an opinion over a surface observation. BUT you don’t live alone, you can’t avoid feedback or comments. Personally, I would say you need a little bit of both; be selective in sharing and to whom you are sharing it with. But how about unavoidable comments that was given to you without being asked? “If I were you, I would…” or “you should do this way instead…” or “I strongly feel that you have made a mistake…” How do you manage that? Well there’s always this saying “take it with a pinch of salt”. At the end of the day, formulate all the inputs, digest if you may, absorb it if YOU feel it’s worth it, spit it out if it’s irrelevant & un-applicable.
It’s all about you.

story was told by my daughter Maira one day. It was shared by her ustazah during her mangaji lesson last week..

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Words of wisdom




Occasionally I would reflect back on some of the meaningful words of wisdom by my parents. Some are funny, some are pedas but most of them have deeper meanings. Perhaps it didn’t render me much during that time but merely a conversation we had during tea, late nite talk on their bed or once in a while when we were driving together; at times there were reflections of their thoughts when we were talking about nothing & everything.

· One of the famous “advice” given by ayah…”To be an average person, anyone can be that, but to be the best; you need to take your breakfast!” – hahhahhahaa…we would laughed if off cos’ ayah being a discipline person in his food consumption he constantly reminded us to never skip our meal especially our breakfast. “It’s the most important meal of the day.” He would add. Ah! Why does it take 30 years for me to truly understand & appreciate this!!!




· “Got money why not…No money cannottttt!!”….ibu’s famous quote every time we talked about money & stuff that you would like to do. I freely share her words of wisdom to my office mate every time we mentioned about shopping and stuff that we would like to buy…

· Ibu will always feel ayah is the smartest man she knows. Taking into credit that he has Masters and had evidently proven to everyone that he was no kutu tembok!! But anytime of the day if she felt cornered by stupidity she would go “I may not be educated, no ijazah bergulung-gulung but I am no fool; not a bloody fool to you!!” - Take out from this: You don’t have to have formal education with high achievement to survive, AND I AM NOT AN IDIOT!!

· “Don’t let other people made a sucker out of you!!!” Ayah warned me when I learn the hard way that not all people are nice.

· There was one occasion that I was picked pocket while shopping at the mall (this was 25 years ago)…”Tulah, pegi masuk kedai macam orang jakun, mulut dok nganga jeee…mana tak kena!” ayah said, so much for comfort words eh?

· Ayah’s advice on parenthood: “It’s important to raise the children not only to be smart in the head (book smart), but they also need to be street smart; survivor & emotionally smart – kena ada self control, kena pandai kawal their emotions.”

· Ibu’s advice on parenthood: “Bila dah tua-tua nie, baru kita sedar jaga anak-anak nie susah. Tak semua yang kita buat masa tu hasilnya berkesan (turn out to be as good as you expected). Ada benda-benda yang ibu wish ibu buat differently. Apa-apa kena banyak berdoa, anak jadi lembut hati dan ingat mana yang penting dalam hidup.”

· When I failed to get good grades, ayah would snapped”You are not stupid, it’s just you didn’t get your priority straight!!” 1st lesson on Project Management: Prioritize your responsibilities & deliverables :P

· “I have selective memories, I don’t choose to remember things that are too petty” ayah would say when ibu & I start talking about long ago stories.

· “You guys are lucky to have ibu ayah to remind you all. I am telling you the things that I regretted not doing then so that you don’t make the same mistakes I made…”ibu reminiscing when ever she start her I TOLD YOU SO story.

· One evening when ibu was warded at IJN “You see, ibu dapat penyakit jantung ni because 30 years of stress and sakit hati dengan ayah”…then ayah responded “ayah pun jadi pekak sebelah telinga pasal asyik dok dengar ibu membebel for the past 30 years!!!” – the actual fact I would define these words are: We had the best 30 years of our life, for goodness & badness; in sickness and in health…

I love my ayah and I love my ibu!! They are the pillar of my strength, my source of wisdom and my life savior (when I am on my business trips! Cos they would jump to the rescue every time I need the extra help with my kids!!)